Fear of Failure: What’s Really Holding You Back
Note: This article is a more in depth exploration at some of the topics discussed in the post “Get Better Immediately With These Simple Tactics”.
Reframing Failure
A few years ago I was coaching a young girl who was incredibly strong, but also incredibly fearful. When we would go to competitions she would hem and haw about which route to attempt for a long time before finally electing to try a climb well below her limit. As her long time coach I knew she was capable of completing far harder challenges, but no amount of encouragement could convince her to try anything above what, for her, would be a moderately difficult climb. Many of her teammates and relatives would get frustrated with her inability to attempt the harder boulders she needed to climb in order to have a chance at winning (which she was definitely capable of doing). Figuring that she had enough anxiety already, I chose to became more curious than upset.
While I could imagine that many athletes at those events struggled with self-confidence or belief issues, the discrepancy between this young athletes proven potential and current performance was so drastic, and so obviously an issue of Fear of Failure, that it made me wonder if I also suffered from the same affliction.
After doing some searching, I came across a new book written by Jerry Moffatt called Mastermind (now out of print) and preordered it to see if I could learn anything that could help both myself and my athlete. The essence of the book is that Jerry Moffatt - one of the best outdoor climbers in the world during the 1980s - thought he would be a sure bet to win the first competitions he entered, but was disappointed with his results. He was going to quit competition climbing altogether when he came across a story in the newspaper about a girl who had used mental training secrets to win medals in archery competitions. He tracked down the book she had read and used the tactics himself to improve his self-confidence, belief and mental preparation. In relatively short order his competition performances increased to meet his potential and his confidence improved, which made it even easier to keep improving his confidence and belief.
How Does Mental Training Work?
For years and years I remember actively avoiding mental training. I had heard about the subject of course, but thought it sounded generally suspicious (like some new age fad) and probably unnecessary for someone like myself who didn’t suffer from any fears or anxieties or confidence issues (or so I thought). Furthermore, I was also too busy trying to find a secret training program that would make me so strong I could avoid the topic of mental or emotional training altogether.
After reading Mastermind multiple times I can largely sum up the secret to mental training by saying the two most important concepts are to constantly visualize yourself having already achieved your goal and to change your opinion of failure from something to be avoided to something to be sought out. Of course both of those concepts sound easy to do, but in fact require a lot of subtle tricks to get the best results (hence the need for the book). In a future article we will discuss the ideas of visualization and goal setting, but for this article we will look at how to overcome a fear of failure that nearly all of us have, even if we might be in denial like I was.
Why Are We Afraid of Failure?
The best answer to that question that I’ve read so far comes from the book Vertical Mind by Don McGrath and Jeff Ellison. In essence, when it comes right down to it, if we were in an ancient hunter-gatherer tribe that needed to stick together and share resources to survive, being separated from that tribe would result in a dangerous isolation that would likely result in our death. While we might be less vulnerable to the physical elements today, we are still social beings whose brains require emotional connections to others in order to remain healthy.
When we are attempting something difficult where the likelihood of success is not certain, it can be stressful to perform that task in front of our peers. Using the above survival analogy, for those of us with heightened fear and anxiety around failure, it’s not hard to imagine someone making fun of us if we fail to climb a route. In our hyper-anxious states, this seems like it could theoretically lead to everyone laughing at us and no one wanting to be our friend. We would be made to look like a fool, and would possibly be unwelcome in the gym or at the crag. We would then also be unable to ever practice our favourite sport ever again. While this is an exaggerated example for effect, it’s again not that hard to imagine for those of us who have these perfectionist tendencies.
This phenomenon became extra intense for me one day during University when I stayed past the six o’clock hour when the amateur students left and the expert climbers came after work to train. There was a route in the corner which I was hoping to climb. I hadn’t yet finished it, but was getting close and thought that this day could be the day I finally made it to the top. In order to access the climb though, I had to walk past and get on the wall in front of the ten strongest climbers in the gym who were hanging out chatting on a bench by that problem.
As I stepped on to the mat and walked towards the climb I became very anxious. It felt like all of the lights had dimmed down and a spotlight was shining on only me. I remember feeling like if I failed my project and fell, especially if I tried hard and truly “failed,” then my climbing idols on the bench who I looked up to would realize that I was a big phony who didn’t deserve to be there and they would likely never talk to me ever again. I suddenly felt much less confident and rather than attempt my intended project, I chose a much easier climb that I knew I could finish (one of my warm-up climbs). I hopped down from the top and quickly moved to a different area of the gym away from any superstar climbers who might think I didn’t belong. I also never stayed past six o’clock to climb for the next three years of my University experience. I also never entered a high level competition based on this experience for another ten years.
I share some thoughts about this experience in this video I made for the Hangout YouTube vlog below:
How Do We Fix Our Fear of Failure?
The first thing I had to learn was that it’s not necessary or helpful to beat myself over having fears or anxieties. As I mentioned above, they are completely normal and even healthy self-preservation instincts passed down through hundreds or even thousands of generations of human evolution. What is necessary though is to realize that nothing great was ever accomplished without first failing. Heck, the whole reason I became a climber in the first place was that I loved the feeling of accomplishment I got from figuring out a problem I couldn’t easily do the first time, but could later finish after learning some new way to move or use my body.
The second thing we need to do is come up with a simple way to inject logic into our internal conversations whenever we start to spiral out of control emotionally. Logical thinking is literally the antidote to emotional feelings (just ask my wife how much romance she feels when I start sharing my logical theories). If we can prepare a logical rebuttal to give ourselves during a stressful situation, early enough in the process, we can stop our escalating sense of fear and anxiety before we pass the point of no return (poker players call this “tilting”) and spiral emotionally out of control.
When I was training hard and hoping to become a high level competitive climber in my province a few years ago, there was a particular moment when I was just about to climb a problem and one of my climbing heroes was walking over to attempt the same problem. I immediately remember all sorts of bad thoughts running through my head - mainly revolving around the idea that I was an imposter who was kidding myself for trying to compete with the some of the best climbers in the country.
Unlike my previous attempt to climb in front of my heroes though, this time I did not run away. I had practiced for this exact situation and knew what to tell myself. I said: “You came here to find out what you need to work on and improve in order to become the best climber you possibly can. Failure is simply a sign post that leads to greatness.” Because I knew that I might suffer from an emotional setback, and had this statement already well practiced in my mind, I was able to stop an imminent downward spiral in its tracks and regain my composure.
While I didn’t complete the problem on that attempt, later in the competition I was able to build enough confidence to give it another attempt and I did finally complete the climb. I was proud of myself for toping the problem, but even more proud that I had risked failing in front of my hero and came out of that situation just fine and still had a fun time. I also ended up completing more climbs at that competition than at any other event and proved to myself that I did belong!
Check out a few pictures below of me failing my way towards greatness at the 2019 ACA Provincials in Calgary, Alberta.
About The Author
David Murray has been coaching climbing for more than 17 years. He has helped over 5000 new and experienced climbers become more efficient and have more fun. David is currently a co-owner of The Hangout Climbing Centre in Duncan, Canada.